Guilt

If we are forgiven and set free in Christ, if we are positively righteous in Him, why do we still carry such a heavy weight of guilt upon our shoulders? Why would God allow us to experience this, and is it always His doing? If we are no longer guilty, why don’t we feel free? How can the Spirit of God bring us into alignment with the forgiveness that is already true about us? As Galatians 5:1 says, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”

Psalm 32 could be called a Psalm of Guilt and Freedom. It is by David, the great warrior poet who knew well the weight of shame and guilt, and at the same time, knew intimately the life of the beloved, of the security and joy found in the presence of God. This is what he wrote:

Psalm 32
“Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
    whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
    and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
    my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah
I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Selah
Therefore let everyone who is godly
    offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
    they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah”

In Genesis 3, God calls Adam and Eve to a certain life with Him. He says, in essence, “this is what you are made for, to trust and love me, and to trust and love one another.” Adam and Eve’s eating the fruit is the example of going against what we are made for – the offer was to be our own god, and in so doing, to be the god of others. It’s a false hope, and the real first feeling felt in the garden was guilt. It’s what alerted them to their shame (fig leaves) and their fear (running and hiding).

Guilt is a Warning that the Imposter is Close

Guilt is the feeling that alerts us to the dead man that is trying to snatch our hearts back into the grave, and warns that we have taken the bait. Like our bodies alerting us to illness within us by sending a fever, guilt feels bad because it is telling us something is wrong, it is a fever of alert. Guilt is actually a gift from God because it calls us to turn back because we are either in the pit of destruction or headed there.

Untangling Toxic Shame and Godly Guilt

Most of us mix up toxic shame and guilt, and it leads to confusion about what is actually helpful and harmful. Toxic shame says, “I am alone, I am a mistake, and no one will love me or want me if I tell the truth.” It separates us and moves us further away from intimacy.

Healthy guilt says, “I have done something wrong, I have missed the mark, harmed myself, others, or God, and need to make an amends.” Godly guilt or grief brings us closer to God and others, not further away. Today, if you are experiencing shame that is isolating you, my encouragement would be to bring the lie to the light.

Guilt Leads to Repentance

“As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.”

            2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Forgiveness is the gift of being in relationship with a God who loves us and has the power to pardon us, and who loves to exercise His power in pardoning. Dane Ortlund says,

“Christ does not get frustrated when we come to him for fresh forgiveness, for renewed pardon, with distress and need and emptiness. That’s the whole point. It’s what he came to heal.”

Do you know that mercy is who our God is? He loves when we show up with our mess. He cleans us up with joy like we’re children who just broke something and are sitting in our disaster – He won’t make us sit in it so we learn not to do it again; He cares for us and makes sure we know we are His. Only love will lead us to repentance and obedience.

Repentance Leads to Refuge and Freedom

If you stay hidden as your own refuge, if you keep your secrets safe with you, there will be a day where you will look and no one will be found. Keeping secrets is our way of keeping ourselves safe. It’s our own version of law-keeping. We try to keep the law that we have set up in our lives; we believe that if we live by it perfectly, we will never be exposed.

But, if you take the bold, courageous, and risky step of being vulnerable, of being honest, and telling the truth, you will find something beautiful. We can live confidently knowing whose we are and what we are made for. We are not imposters. We belong, and guilt tells us to run back to our identity in God.

-Evan Lemkuil