Sadness

One the hardest things to do as a believer in Christ (or even as just a human being) is to feel our feelings. There are many reasons why that is. For some of us, feelings have been associated with weakness or being irrational or unstable; others have been taught to not be led by emotions. Though there may be something in these kinds of reasoning that seems good, the reality is that we were created to feel. So, it’s not that we are “not emotional people” as much as we have not been taught to feel our feelings in a healthy way.

Every man, woman, and child are created in the image of God, and what we know of our Triune God is that every part of the Trinity feels – so if we are made in God’s image we too were made to feel. Feelings are a part of being human, but all feelings have an impairment if we are not careful. But those impairments and our fears about feeling our feelings are not enough to shut ourselves off from our hearts. In fact, Alasdair Groves & Winston T. Smith in their book Untangling Emotions, write,

“The way you respond to your emotions, including how you feel about how you feel, is of vital importance to your relationship with God and others in your life. Our emotions are one of the most common and commonly misunderstood opportunities in our lives to grow in maturity and love. They have the power to deeply enrich our relationships or drive wedges into them.”

One of our God-given emotions that we have the right and invitation to feel is sadness. It seems like sadness is definitely not an emotion we would want to welcome into our lives, but it’s an important emotion we must learn to feel rightly. You see, sadness allows intimacy. If you are not willing to experience sadness, you will not open yourself up to another and you will not learn the benefit and beauty of living in interdependent relationships. Sadness gives us the gift of knowing how to value and honor life.

I am becoming more convinced as I get older that the whole structure of society – the pleasure madness, the amusement park mentality, the entertainment mania, the constant thrill-seeking, the enthusiasm spent in living it up – is really an expression of the world’s desire to avoid sadness. But what if I told you happy are the sad? Jesus says in Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

You see, we have a choice in what we do with our sadness – we can try to ignore it, we can try to flee from it, we can try to deal with it in unhealthy ways (that may seem wise at the time), or we can actually do what God wants us to do with it, which is come to Him and receive His mercy, grace, and desired outcomes, which are rest, spiritual maturity, and intimacy with Him and others.

What should we know about sadness, so we won’t be afraid to feel it in a healthy way? The Scriptures have a lot to say about sadness. Remember, the Scriptures invite us to lament before God. The Lord doesn’t expect His children not to be sad. Many of the Psalms speak of healthy lamenting and sadness.

In Psalm 77, the author Asaph exposes his heart and feelings, and we find some truths about healthy sadness.

First, healthy sadness drives us to God. In verses 1-9, we see Asaph literally crying out to God. His prayer reveals both his sadness and his honesty. Asaph prays trusting in the character of God, which fuels his ability to bring that sadness fully and honestly to the Lord.

Second, we see in verses 10-18 that healthy sadness is an opportunity to remember the faithfulness of God. One of the ways Asaph deals with his sadness is to recall the faithfulness and steadfast love of the Lord. This is important because in our sadness the enemy may tempt us to believe God is no longer good. If the enemy can’t get you to deny the existence of God, his second greatest scheme is to get you to doubt God’s goodness.

So how are we to remember in our times of sadness? We first and foremost remember through the cross. We remember how at our worst; God gave us His best (Romans 5:8). Second, we remember through His works in our lives. The fact that you are still here is evidence that for all those trials that you thought you wouldn’t get through, God actually showed up in your life. Lastly, we remember through His acts of compassion and goodness.

Here’s a final encouragement from Psalm 77: healthy sadness is an opening for God to lead us to places of true rest. David reminds us in Psalm 23 that we have a God who is the Great Shepherd, who delights in leading His children to places of rest. Asaph sees this for himself and in our sadness we can too. God is not disappointed by your sadness. He is actually calling you to feel that feeling, surrender it to Him, and find His peace and His rest. Are you sad today? Be encouraged – It doesn’t mean you are less-than or broken beyond repair; it means you are human, and you are doing what you were created to do: feel. If you are a child of God, let that sadness draw you to your Father who loves you perfectly and unconditionally.

-Orlando Cabrera