12 STEPS - Step 8

STEP 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

THE PURPOSE

Making amends to the people that I had hurt was not a comfortable place for me. However, because I had worked through Steps 1, 2 and 3, and fully surrendered my life over to God’s will, I felt strengthened and prepared because I had experienced healing from the Lord in my brokenness. So, I could begin to make that list to seek forgiveness from those people that I had hurt. I have however experienced great sorrow in the wake of knowing that I hurt those I love. Some of the people were my parents, my siblings, a dear friend, my son and his father (my first ex-husband). The Lord has met me in so many places in and through this process. He has brought healing into the deep wounds that festered resentment, bitterness and anger within my heart for so many years. Today, those wounds bear the scars which help to remind me of God’s faithful presence, love, mercy and grace in my life.

TO MAKE AMENDS 

The definition of making amends says this:

To do something to correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation that one has caused by apologizing.

This seems simple and easy enough. And in the past before recovery that sounds exactly how I addressed anyone that I was not at peace with. This definition is a worldly perspective of making amends. I have learned in my walk in recovery and working through the process what it looks like to make amends from a Godly perspective. For me Christ’s unconditional love has helped me to posture my heart willingly and humbly to ask those I had harmed for forgiveness.

I discovered that whatever was in my inventory, I was hurting God first. I had forgotten this truth because for many years I had turned my back on God and was living a very different life. In light of this, I needed to ask forgiveness from God by confessing my sins and repenting. I began to seek forgiveness vertically from the Lord. Crying out and sharing all of my wretched sins to the Lord, He cleansed me and prepared me to begin the process of outwardly seeking forgiveness horizontally from those that I had hurt. Through the process of working Step 8, I was able to see the fruit of what that looked like through the gift of reconciliation.

Today, I have experienced reconciliation in many of my broken relationships. And I am grateful for that. I am continually reminded and encouraged that through obedience and trusting the Lord, seeking His will and not my own, and surrendering my need to control, my life looks very different. I have peace in the overwhelming circumstances and can be a peacemaker even in the midst of my own difficult trials and struggles. 

THE PROCESS

Judge not, that you be not judged, for with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. (Matthew 7:1-5 )

I was very quick to judge others and my “Log List” was a pretty long list. I had lived in a constant state of believing that because I had been wronged, abandoned, cheated on, rejected and physically abused and defiled that somehow, I was entitled to point my finger to those who had hurt me. I pointed to others and judged them because I was the victim. It was a familiar place that I had built up walls of bitterness, resentment and anger.

And so, when I came to the place of humbling myself and recognizing and owning my part or my “side of the street”, I was honest with the Lord, myself and others in my confession.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

REFLECTION 

Repent therefore, and turn back that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus. (Acts 3:19-20)

Many of the people used greatly by God had no formal introduction to Christ. The beggar who was lame is a man that God used to show His power through healing him physically and so His glory was on display for all to see. Am I one of those people that God has used to show His amazing grace and power and acts of kindness? Yes, I believe that God has used me to show how he has radically transformed my heart. My life looks different today because of the mighty work that God is doing. Am I living a life that is honoring and glorifying who Christ is? Am I quick to forgive and slower to respond and not judge or question as to why someone doesn’t like me? I can’t change how others respond or treat me but I can choose to respond as Jesus calls me to which is to love others as He loves me. I don’t know what struggles they may be burdened with or the hurt they are carrying inside their hearts. The Lord redeemed my past and gave me a new and better life.. I surrender my life over to do His Will, and to live a life that honors Christ and return that love to others. I am so thankful to the Lord for giving me a new life. A life filled with hope that continues to heal and grow and be transformed into the likeness of Christ. I pray that the story of God in my life will be on display to show His glory in how the Lord met me in my depravity and released me from the chains of bondage and rescued me from the slavery of a life of sin.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)