12 STEPS - Step 11

STEP 11

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact before God, as we understood Him, praying only for the knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out.

CONTACT IN SILENCE

I walked through the doors of Recovery around the same time I came on staff at Summit church as a resident. The concept of Step 11 - seeking God through prayer and meditation of His word - was a discipline I had become extremely familiar with. As a Christian for several years, I was accustomed to the sound of my Fathers voice. I knew what it was like to receive comfort, direction, peace, and wisdom through daily devotion in the word and in prayer. But this familiarity was now one of my greatest pains. I was walking into a dark season of life and instead of the usual comfort I would receive through the word, I was met with harsh silence. A deep sadness that would not leave my side. An ache for contact in the midst of silence.

A FAMILIAR CRY

Was something wrong with me? Was I praying wrong, not reading enough? I saw myself crying out the words of Psalm 77:

When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted. I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help. You don’t let me sleep. I am too distressed even to pray! I think of the good old days, long since ended, when my nights were filled with joyful songs. I search my soul and ponder the difference now. (Psalm 77:2-6, NLT)

Like the Psalmist Asaph, the pain of this season only worsened as I remembered all the times God had flooded me with peace in the midst of pain. Where was He now? I thought of God and I moaned, so overwhelmed with longing for His help. So, what did Asaph do, what was I supposed to do, when step 11 hurt?

WHEN THE PROBLEM BECOMES THE SOLUTION

Like Asaph, my ironic solution was to remember. Remembering was my problem, but it was also my solution. After Asaph’s prayer of longing and expressing his heart before God, he forces himself to remember who God is. To meditate.

But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works. (Psalm 77:11-12, NLT)

Remembering God’s love and provision for me hurt, because it made me long for God all the more. Yet, remembering was exactly what I needed because it reminded me of the hope I have in Christ. Not the hope of temporary relief, but my set eternal hope that never changes regardless of how I feel or how long I feel it.

HOPE FOR TODAY

Step 11 is a pivotal component in the life of any Christian. However, it’s not always easy. Step 11 requires perseverance, discipline, and endurance. However, in time it yields a harvest of faith, joy, and hope. The Lord gave me the strength to remember in that season. To meditate on who He was and what He has done for me. Maybe you are struggling with step 11 today. Maybe you’re like me and it hurts. Maybe you are busy, apathetic, or unsure. The solution is all the same: prayer and meditation.  Even when we don’t want to, we wait on the Lord, trusting He knows better.