Shawn's Grace Story

My Grace Story

My story of recovery begins when I was just 11 years old, spending the night at my friend’s house. He showed me a pornographic magazine for the first time in my young life. My eyes were opened to the most attractive women I’d ever seen. It was like a spark to build a fire and the fire burned out of control.

As a kid, I went to church with my family. I looked like a normal person on the outside, but on the inside I was a mess. A youth pastor even talked to me about becoming a youth pastor myself. I’m so glad I didn’t go there at that time; it would have been a mess.

When I moved out of my parents’ house, I got an apartment. There was a sex shop down the street from where I lived, which was not good at all. My ex-girlfriend would sometimes catch me. She told me one time that pornography would ruin my life, my marriage, and my kids.

I would go to church every once in a while. At this point in my life, I was far from God. Then I met my wife and I told myself I could control this on my own. I was a married man now. I would be fine. Yeah…right. It just got worse.

As time went on, I got access to porn 24/7 on my phone (big mistake). Until one day my wife caught me when she looked at my phone. I had just come home from work, and she grabbed my phone and opened it. I hadn’t closed the history on it, so a porn website was still open. I was looking at porn while at work. I would have K-LOVE (Christian Music) on the radio and be looking at porn. I felt so numb, but I remember the look on my wife’s face and I’ll never forget it. I never want that look again. That’s when God stepped into my life for good.

When my wife caught me, it was truly the best thing that happened to me. I believe God was saying it had to stop here, and for me to be humbled in His ways – not my ways. I never knew this, because it was always “my way.” I was a selfish person. I was in ME mode. Until God said, “Enough. You need to grow up into a man and lead your wife and family.”

God spoke to me through the Bible:

“The Lord will keep you from all evil.
He will keep your life.
The Lord will keep your going and your coming in from this time and forevermore.”

            Psalm 121:7-8

He spoke to me through music on K-LOVE, especially the song “Different” by Micah Tyler.

He spoke to me through books:

“I was like a man in a bog. The more he struggles, the more he sinks. Or like the prisoner upon the treadmill, who rises no higher but only wearies himself by climbing. No good can result from efforts made apart from faith in Jesus.” - Charles Spurgeon

I’ve been in Recovery for little more than 5 years now. In the beginning I was very skeptical of this program. I told myself that I didn’t need it. It was a crutch for “those people.” I went once or twice, then I stopped until one time my wife asked nicely if I was going to Recovery. Since then, I have not stopped going.

Since that night five years ago, I’ve been growing in my relationship with God. I’ve learned to be a Christian man from different leaders that have gone before me, and those who are still here today. But God has been the BIGGEST change in my life. He has also been there for me, in prayer or reading the Bible. When I first went to Recovery, my eyes were opened. I thought I was the only one who struggled, but I was surprised. My relationship with my wife is awesome now and I’ve got God to thank for that. I’ve been 5 years sober now from my addiction.

In my sobriety and recovery, I’ve found peace. I’ve become a grown man in Recovery. God wants me here.

-Shawn